The Ringer

So a few weeks ago, Karen and I were trying to catch a cab. We flagged one down, and in typical New York City cabbie fashion it darted across two lanes of traffic and cut off a bus to get to us. I know that a lot of people hate how reckless cab drivers can be, but frankly I applaud it. When a guy is willing to risk his life and the lives of all those around him for a $5 cab fare, well, that's a level of customer service almost unheard of on the East Coast.

Anyways, as we're getting in the cab, this guy on the sidewalk starts yelling at us. I hadn't even noticed him before, didn't have anything to do with him, but suddenly he's screaming at us: "What are you doing, flagging a cab in front of a bus? What's wrong with you?"

So I turned to him as I was ducking into the cab and I said back, all cool as hell, "I don't know what's wrong with me, but at least I'm not a fucking nutjob like you, so I've got that going for me." It was awesome.

I mean, okay, it wasn't exactly the greatest comeback ever. I'm not going to pretend it was perfect. But I actually yelled at some guy, and my comeback was instantaneous, and it was at least a bit more clever than just saying "fuck you." Compared to most times in a similar situation where I'd either shrug my shoulders and say nothing or I'd think of the perfect comeback ten minutes later, it was pretty impressive. I felt so New York City, like finally I'd made it and I was really adapting to the environment here. Like, how far has this kid from small town South Dakota come? Far, dude. Real far.

The afterglow from the moment lasted a block or two. As I was coming down, I started thinking more and more about it, and that's when I came to a troubling realization: the man on the sidewalk was retarded. I turned and asked Karen, and she confirmed it.

So now I'm a guy who yells profanities at retarded people in public. I guess that's my new thing. The thing is, the guy had it coming. He started it! So there's that. But still, it's not exactly the sort of thing I should brag about. I probably still will, though.